MEDITATIONS: I NEED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

 

    Basically, I love my family, I love my friends and as a Christian I try my best to be good to those who I don't really like maybe because their personality does not appeal to me, or they have annoyed me in one way or the other or because of any other reason that could make me not to like a person. However, one thing that I never doubted while growing up maybe because it is a seemingly conventual assertion or because of my ignorance of the Truth, is that I love God. We all love God, don't we? We mostly answer in the affirmative when such a question come up and it seems surprising or rather scandalous to us when we actually get to know that there are people who are indifferent towards God. 

    Even when I know that what I am doing is contrary to the will of God, I find many justifications for myself. Either the devil inherits the blame or my human weakness, or the pleasure that was set before me. Surprisingly, I rarely deny my Love for God even when I am sure that I am going against the will of God. Now, Christ has said 'If you love me keep my commandment.' I do suppose that the commandment of Christ is living as he wills and that can be summarized as living a worthy Christian which implies avoiding sin. I would want to believe that apart from Christ and the Blessed Mother of God, no other man can claim to be without sin. Does it imply that no man loves God since loving God is keeping his commandment. Even the glorious St. Paul cried out that he does not do what he wants to do. What then is our hope in our love of God.   

    To crown it all, I am still crying quite helplessly in my struggle to love as best as I can. Then, the all perfect Lord increased the standard saying that we should Love our neighbors as he - Love Incarnate - has loved us. These thoughts disturb my mind and sometimes it seems that my journey to be in love with God and my neighbors as God would have me do will end up being futile.

    However, in my search for a glimpse of light that will signal hope to my poor heart, I remembered what I once read in the Story of a Soul, the Autobiography of St. Theresa of the child Jesus, She admits that God is just, he knows we are humans. What God perhaps wants from us is the sincere desire to love him as he would have us do, and willingness to stand up when we fall immediately. My thoughts though.

    Among many persons even preachers, I have realized that sometimes God is presented as a strict judge who is sitting down in his highly exalted thrown with a sharp sickle to weed out all the sinful men and cast them into punishment both here on earth and in the next. I suppose that this sometimes proves efficient in maintaining a life of order and a seeming love of God. But I would think, also, that this is a kind of bondage. God becomes a Tyrant whom we must fear else we are punished. 

    I agree that God is a mighty, glorious king, ruler of heaven earth, omnipotent, omniscience, eternally Great and glorious in wonder. However, I tried to use human analogy to compare this since all our terms in our effort to understand God is still human. An average, non-tyrant and loving king, however great he is, do not portray such awe and fear to his family as he would do outside his family. Thus I thought, if we are adopted children of God, why approach God with such fear and distance? I suppose that God is close to me, loving and concerned and willing to listen to me all the time. He is just a good, friendly Father that I can gist with it.

    I think that instead of a sickle, God is actually stretching out his hand to embrace me. So even in my weaknesses, it is important for me to sincerely wish to love God, try my possible best to do it, and allow myself to fall in love with him. He will sort out the rest.

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